Shame on, you crazy Diamond.
Shame and humiliation are things I know a lot about. But how you experience it in a session and how I experience it in life are two very different things. I offer consensual humiliation to those that have a need for it. It is a gnawing need that makes you feel a little uneasy, isn’t it kind of unnatural to want to be bullied and shamed? But that perversion is its appeal. It can change the tone of a BDSM scene or be a stand-alone fetish. Boot worship can be perceived as humiliation, but depending on the dynamic between those two individuals it may not be experienced as humiliation to either of them.
So much in BDSM is about context and your own unique experience. Degradation has to be a tailored experience, it really depends on what you find degrading, what inflames your shame quickest and hardest. Someone that has experienced childhood trauma and wishes to face and own that trauma can sometimes get there with just a slap in the face. Those who have never experienced abuse or bullying, can be slower to respond to these prompts.
This is one of the many reasons, why when you contact me and ask for a kink to be indulged, such as humiliation, I will always want to know what that means to you.
Shame works so well in a BDSM play scene. The place where all dirty, shunned and taboo activities are allowed to breathe and be celebrated, insults add a finishing touch to the party. Being anally drilled by a Femdom, and told you are dirty and filthy, degraded with obscenities and spit is liberating when you’ve asked for it. Because you are accepting your vulnerability, fully owning it all. Knowing it can stop when you say so. In a dungeon it is controlled, there is aftercare and appreciation. Kink can give you that shameful feeling, but for me I am proud to be able to provide a safe place where people can play with these conflicting emotions and these desires that have made them feel “wrong” for so long.
“You are treated respectfully until you request not to be.“
Sadly, being a Dominatrix, being a sex worker comes with a vast amount of stigma and shame, that I do not consent to. I am accepting of who I am, and that acceptance is something I offer to others. You are treated respectfully until you request not to be. That’s how it should work.
Did you ever stop to imagine how the world looks for me? A world where I exist only in the darkest corners of your minds, like a dirty secret, you can start to see why there is that association. Imagine a world where your job causes a reaction of shame in others. I am not ashamed of my work but I deal with others’ shame of me, of others and themselves everyday. Sex workers are providing a very valuable service. I do not offer sex, at any price, but I am proud to know women that do. We all have our limits and choose who we allow to visit us and what takes place. Because this is the work we choose we are seen as sub-human. Our rights are different to the rest of the population, we are marginalised, victimised and blamed for a multitude of societal ills. When in fact, I see myself as a solution not a problem. I ease any shame for my clients, I take the thing they have seen as a “black mark” on their soul and made it into something fun. Sissies for example; cishet-men struggle with this a lot and deny it and hope the need to dress in women’s clothes will go away. It makes them feel bad, but after seeing a professional Domme like myself, they feel understood and finally have an outlet. It stops being something pushing them down and now it lifts them up. It had been such a burden and now it feels acknowledged, which changes your perspective not just on cross-dressing, but on your life and the world itself.
“To stand any chance of being truly happy, you have to acknowledge your good and bad traits.”
I have lost friends because I was honest about my job, they can’t comprehend the positive impact it has and only see the stereotypes and preconceptions. I wish I could make people see how much of a positive impact I make on the lives of those that come to see me.
I am sure there are industries out there that are normalised, but in fact are detrimental to society, and the individuals that work there. There are plenty of billionaires that should be ashamed of what they have done to amass that fortune. But if there is no shame attached to your job or business, those negative ramifications of that corporation are overlooked.
I don’t kill anyone, or any wildlife or cause mass pollution. I’m not a narcissistic sociopath. (My business has a very low carbon footprint, the fur in my outfits is faux, except that vintage piece handed down by my mum, and I only superficially hurt my subs). Yet I’m the villain.
People who don’t experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. Many people do things they should be ashamed of, but what I mean is some people chose to numb it by quietly justifying it to themselves.
“You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other effects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness”. -Brené Brown
To stand any chance of being truly happy, you have to acknowledge your good and bad traits.
Shame lurks everywhere, and we undermine its hold over us by letting it out. So my advice for the day: Establish consent, use protection, be a shameless whore!
The BDSM community can seem alien when you first encounter it, but all it takes is a little patience and some basic research. This is not the Illuminati, or the Masons – there is no ritual, human sacrifice or handshake to get in – you just have to learn how to interact with people all over again.
There is no doubt about it, sexual desires are distracting. At the worst possible time, that little prick shaped bit of your brain pings and there you are, off in fantasy land with last month’s paperwork piling up beside you in the home office while you once again wander off to your favourite subscription site with your hand in your pants. Sufficiently jerked off, you wash your hands and wipe the sweat from your brow before logging in to that Zoom call.
No matter what stage of your relationship, dating, long-term or fully committed, sharing your innermost taboo secrets with someone will seem like the most nerve-wracking thing in the world. But what if I told you the conversation could open you up to experiences you previously thought weren’t possible? What if the conversation led to foreplay or better yet raw, red-hot kinky sex!