“I don’t have any limits, Miss!”
A statement that genuinely makes my full body shudder. You think you’re telling me “I’m the biggest, bravest submissive you’ve ever met!”. When in reality it reads as “I haven’t thought this through enough” or worse “I don’t care about myself”. How can you possibly consent to everything I could potentially do to you, when you haven’t gotten to know me yet? If you decided to skydive, you wouldn’t skip the safety video, so why should your sex life be any different?
"If you don’t have any limits – you just don’t know what they are yet."
Being a well-educated, experienced and professional Superior, I would immediately explain to this submissive how unsafe their statement is. In order for anyone to fully enjoy the type of play we have in session, we must first consider safety. The online community is, unfortunately, full of people who wouldn’t think twice about taking your money & leaving you in an extremely vulnerable position.
Deciphering between Pro and Poser seems overwhelming , however you can quickly ‘spot the difference’ throughout conversation. The pace in which that conversation goes, can be very telling. It’s your responsibility to research, yes research, the Domme you choose to see, and to gauge her ethics. You will easily be able to find footage of their previous sessions on subscription sites. Their website, just like mine, will have a booking form with health related questions to keep you safe. You will find information about PRICK, RACK, SSC, health and safety all within My blog How to play safe in BDSM | Countess Diamond | UK Dominatrix.
And the research? It doesn’t stop there.
When you’re all tucked up safe in the comfort of your bedroom, binging on femdom porn, when you find something you like – research it. Build yourself with a good knowledge base on the equipment used in the scene, what kinks are depicted? Have you just found a new one? What is it? There’s so many questions and while I am here to guide you, each submissive is different, you have to take personal responsibility.
Discovering your comfort zone takes time, some of you may have already found the sweet spot of submission, knowing exactly what your hard and soft limits are. If you don’t have any limits – you just don’t know what they are yet.
Self-exploration with an open mind is key to creating a scene in which we both feel safe. Perhaps you’ve got a list of go to clips that get you hard, you decide your perfect scene is a combination of everything. You want to rush in, guzzling every experience like a cheap all you can eat buffet after a night out. If you’re new to BDSM, you’re not only going to get overwhelmed – potentially putting you off the real time dungeon experience, ever again, you aren’t giving yourself enough time to absorb each moment, to take it in like a fine wine. It is a luxurious experience after all.
The slow journey bears the wonderful gift of space. Space to discover just how much you like what you think you do. We can start slowly with an online conversation over at Countess Diamond | AVN Stars, then perhaps a quick phone call to ease your nerves. You can tell me what your interests are, the experience you have in servitude or simply just chat. Once I have a good understanding of what you like, we will progress to a skype or video call, when we can both see each other, I can tailor an online experience to help you measure your own likelihood of being able to pull it off in person, in my dungeon space. We will communicate openly and I expect you to voice any concerns you have honestly, so that we may remain within the bounds of our mutual consent.
"It’s ok to change your mind at any time"
People are becoming more aware of their boundaries in all aspects of their lives as well as their sex lives, consent has been quite the hot topic in mainstream media in recent years, but many still lack assertion in boundary creation. You have to be willing to communicate. managing boundaries in vanilla day to day life can make the later more awkward sexual conversations easier. Practise simply saying no to something like weekend overtime, with no explanation.
I say “with no explanation”, because when it comes to our soft and hard sexual limits, the reasoning could bring up vulnerabilities that you, simply, do not have to share with anyone. I will respect your boundaries regardless of whether or not you feel ready to share the reason, but know that when you are ready, a deeper level of intimacy between us awaits.
While you’re feeling out what your limits are a good exploration tool, with your Domme or your sexual playmate can be using the traffic light system.
Green – Keep Going
Amber – Change Scene
Red – Stop Completely
You could have physical cards or say them out loud. We could even tailor the words to suit our scene or roleplay better, it just gets yourself into a nice routine of checking in, reconfirming that original consent with your superior. It’s ok to change your mind at any time. Giving consent means that no matter how the scene plays out, you’ve unknowingly been in control the whole time. I stay within the boundaries that you’ve created for me to play in, allowing sheer pleasure and indulgence whilst keeping the violation and degradation within the agreed level. Once comfortable with this method – you can choose a safe word to use or just stick with “Red” for times that you need to pause/stop.
Aftercare will give you the space to unpack all of the emotions and again, communicate and reassess. This may be during a small portion of time set aside at the end of your visit or via online platforms and phone calls after your session, giving you a chance to reflect on and process the scene.
We want to know your boundaries and we need to hear your limits. You have permission to assert yourself, even as a submissive. If you would like to test your limits with an online roleplay to build your confidence please subscribe via at Countess Diamond | AVN Stars where I can craft an afternoon or evening of debauchery to tickle both our fancies.
The BDSM community can seem alien when you first encounter it, but all it takes is a little patience and some basic research. This is not the Illuminati, or the Masons – there is no ritual, human sacrifice or handshake to get in – you just have to learn how to interact with people all over again.
There is no doubt about it, sexual desires are distracting. At the worst possible time, that little prick shaped bit of your brain pings and there you are, off in fantasy land with last month’s paperwork piling up beside you in the home office while you once again wander off to your favourite subscription site with your hand in your pants. Sufficiently jerked off, you wash your hands and wipe the sweat from your brow before logging in to that Zoom call.
No matter what stage of your relationship, dating, long-term or fully committed, sharing your innermost taboo secrets with someone will seem like the most nerve-wracking thing in the world. But what if I told you the conversation could open you up to experiences you previously thought weren’t possible? What if the conversation led to foreplay or better yet raw, red-hot kinky sex!