What is BDSM?

Bondage, discipline (or domination), sadism (or submission), masochism

BDSM is a sexual activity that involves, for example, tying a partner up, games in which one partner controls another, or giving and receiving pain for pleasure.
Activities in BDSM are often characterized by the participants’ taking on roles that involve inequality of power.

Words & phrases you'll come across in kink

Q. What is a “scene”?

A: It is the word used to describe the interaction between consenting parties, with pre-agreed limits, expectations, and duration. It would be best to never interrupt or intrude upon someone else’s scene. (This is usually relevant at kink events, where playrooms are available to walk around.)

Q. What are limits?

A. These are how we describe our mental and physical comfort zones. These have to be discussed prior to a scene taking place. You set out what you like, what you don’t. Most of us have hard and soft limits. Definite “no-no’s” and some “maybe’s”. But get really clear on the definite NO’s and communicate them clearly – this is not the time or place for ambiguity.

Q. What is a “munch”?

A. It is an organised, planned social event for kinky people to meet outside of a dungeon setting. You can socialise in civilian clothing at a civilian location. No one need ever know the topic of conversation, but don’t go along expecting fetish gear or spankings. You’ll be very disappointed.

Q. What is edge play?

A. Well, I can tell you what it isn’t – edging! These 2 get confused by newbies, and it is so cringy. Edging is stimulating your genitalia to the edge of climax then stopping, over and over. Edge play means playing close to the edge of someone’s hard limits. Usually only attempted by experienced players.

Q. Is a kink different from a fetish?

A. It definitely is. Kinky people are sexually adventurous and are turned on by the visual or physical aspects of BDSM. They are motivated by their libido. Those with a fetish have a profound mental need for that particular fabric, item, punishment or archetype. They are mentally and emotionally stimulated as well as physically. It’s like the brain v body to simplify the distinction.

Q. What is a “tribute”?

A. It is a fee for our time and attention. It varies from Domme to Domme, and if you do your research, you will work out why some charge more than others. This fee can apply for contact, sessions, advice; basically you should always be prepared to compensate your chosen Domme for her time or attention.

Q. What is “play”?

A. This is the word we use to describe what goes on in a session or scene. It is a very broad term and means pretty much what it sounds like. But it also reminds you it is not reality; it is a fantasy and it's important to retain the distinction.

Q. What is the difference between a submissive and a slave?

A. A submissive is someone who likes to be dominated/ made helpless and vulnerable in a carefully negotiated setting. They can use a safeword and end a scene whenever they want. A slave has given up consent and cannot negotiate any terms of his enslavement once the collar goes on. They are dehumanised and treated like property.

Q. What is “sub space”?

A. This is what can be achieved when either a bottom (sub, slave, sissy) feels completely relaxed and safe with a long term Top (Domme, Dom, Daddy or Mummy) overseeing the play. Or a new D/s dynamic that has really nailed communication prior to play. When every element of the play is expertly carried out, and the levels of intensity are turned right up, the bottom can have a kind of “out-of-body” experience that feels like floating.

Q. What is a safeword, and do I really need one?

A. It is a pre-agreed code word that means you unequivocally want the play to stop – immediately. So yes … you really need one. I have asked every new play partner what theirs is, and only two have ever used it. If you want your submissive to relax and allow the play to flow, this small detail allows them to do just that. (If anyone ever ignores a safeword this person should be considered dangerous and unsafe to play with again).

You might well see RACK and SSC used interchangeably in BDSM. Both factors into consent which is the only absolute rule in BDSM. It is fundamental to the integrity of our community but it’s a word that applies to many aspects, both the seen and unseen.

Acronyms

SSC – Safe, Sane, Consensual – These 3 little words are the foundations of a healthy kink dynamic.
RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink
BDSM – Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism
CBT – Cock and Ball Torture
CP – Corporal punishment
NT – Nipple torture
NP – Needle play
ABDL – Adult baby diaper lover

Before You Begin

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Break the ice

Safety In BDSM

Safety should come up in conversation before the first strike lands

Safety

Love or Lust?

Relationships are complex, even more so in BDSM and kink.

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In Session With Me

Learn what happens in a BDSM session with a Dominatrix.

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