Three in the bed

You, your partner & the kinks they don't know you're into

No matter what stage of your relationship, dating, long-term or fully committed, sharing your innermost taboo secrets with someone will seem like the most nerve-wracking thing in the world. But what if I told you the conversation could open you up to experiences you previously thought weren’t possible? What if the conversation led to foreplay or better yet raw, red-hot kinky sex!

There are so many kinks and fetishes to delve into – I am not here to give you the exact recipe to success when it comes to opening up. It’s more that I want you to have an understanding of the method behind this madness of sharing your intimate desires. 

‘It is absolutely ok to be you’

The first key to success is that you’re already in a mutually caring, devoted and considerate relationship. If you don’t feel like you can have normal day to day conversations or speak freely, you have more pressing matters than kink to address within your relationship.

Before you even attempt this potentially sex life changing conversation, you will want to be prepared. If you have read my other blogs you will know the importance of researching the kinks that get you excited, and exploring your own submissiveness. If you haven’t, I recommend you do spend time getting to know yourself. Knowing what you’re talking about is going to allow you to feel confident enough to host this discussion and potentially educate your partner.

It will be natural to feel nervous. It’s unfortunate that, in 2021 fetishes and kinky lifestyles are still stigmatised. If you’ve been rejected before, it may bring up some feelings of anxiety to attempt to discuss it again, but remember it is absolutely ok to be you.

Before You Begin

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You will want to start slowly, choose an evening where perhaps you’ve picked up some Chinese food from the local takeaway and a nice bottle of wine on the way home. While relaxing, create a mutually intimate situation by asking them, “anything you’ve ever wanted to try in the bedroom?” or “what’s the strangest thing that you find sexy?”. Listen and allow yourselves to enjoy each other’s answers and explanations.

When it’s your turn, you will want to use open and inclusive language without confusing jargon, you are hoping for a consensual collaboration after all!

Depending on the fetish and the person you’re explaining it to, the next route might be to watch a documentary or a porn scene together. It might be that without realising it, you’re both talking dirty to each other, falling into a kinky roleplay you could have only dreamed of a mere few moments ago.


‘Enthusiastic consent is the only consent’

It could be that you’re both now sitting in silence while they digest whatever you’ve just revealed. And that’s ok too, remember, especially if you’ve been together for a while, this may come as a shock, they may feel as though you’ve been keeping something from them…. Which in a way you have, but it’s something very personal that you’ve considered greatly before sharing, and with no expectations for participation. 

Remember that enthusiastic consent is the only consent. You aren’t here to coax someone who doesn’t show any interest.

If you both decide to explore together, you’re in for a wild ride. Not only will you be able to add a whole new layer to your relationship, sex life and kinky identity, you have a big kinky weight off your shoulders as well, don’t you? Maybe your partner does too and you’re learning all about a kink they were too shy to share!

Now that you’re building fantasies for two, have sexual freedom and a greater connection with yourself and in your relationship, you will want to continue to have open conversations with your partner regularly and give yourselves a kinky health check. Stay considerate and appreciative of each other and you will have an incredible journey.

If you would like to explore more of your own kinks and establish a deeper connection with me, find me on Countess Diamond | Loyal Fans

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