What our clients took for granted
'Hail these wonderful, deviant goddesses.'
The sex industry has been forced online and for those of us who spent the majority of our working work in-person, this has caused our incomes to drop considerably. Like many industries, we begin online interactions as a stop-gap. In doing so I have learnt so much, and been privy to the new found perspective from many of my previously real time clients.
I have realised that my clients have come to understand the positive value of the interactions they previously took for granted, that they used to get so much joy from, the important people they used to share these experiences with. We have collectively realised how we affect those around us, both positively and negatively, biologically and physiologically. It will feel amazing when they can go and see a provider again, and this time they say they will savour every moment, every detail.
Hail these wonderful, deviant goddesses that can whip you into a frenzy, while keeping you safe. They are indeed worth their revered status, as they light up the darkness in your head like a disco ball.
If you previously visited a Dominatrix on a regular basis, like my clients, you will no doubt have gone through a similar withdrawal of sorts. Even the gaps between sessions used to feel long, this was an unthinkable gap, not one you’d have thought you could endure. But you have. Only now you’ve understood now you don’t function so well without kink, but it’s more than that, you don’t function so well without her. BDSM is a game, but who you play with is what makes it worth all the pain and suffering.
I hope in future you will cherish your chosen provider of kink, if she is still working, because I’ve seen a few disappear back to vanilla jobs, back to regular money as the SW community has struggled during lockdown, and who can blame them.
'An escape that made the mundane tolerable'
There are those that have really been impacted mentally by the lockdown. Separated from all the things that distract us, that we use as coping mechanisms, confined in places with people we don’t want to spend 12 hours a day with, or completely alone. It’s been really tough going for so many people that relied on BDSM as their outlet. It gave people that visited me a rush and an escape that made the mundane tolerable. It was a reward they gave themselves for getting through another month. I get it, life is hard, and we all escape somehow, we have to. Some play sports, some take up acting, some drink, not all coping mechanisms are healthy. But I know we are all doing what we have to do to get through this until you can find a meaningful release.
For those of us that are naturally reflective, the last 3 months have forced us to pause and really think about our lives in a way we couldn’t have under normal circumstances.
Well-being has come up a lot, and for some, that was a physical shortfall that needed addressing, and these are the people jumping around in their lounge to workouts, making me feel ashamed that I am not even ashamed about my inertia. But our health is something too many of us take for granted, the liberty to exercise, healthcare, clean water, a supply of good food, really basic stuff has been a cause for concern. Things like a sex life, privacy to have a private moment of indulgence. How many of us are separated from our partners at the moment? That’s got to have a profound mental, emotional, and physical impact, though I guess you now know whether they are “the one” or not. Because one of the few benefits of this situation has been the clarity we now have. What is important, and necessary is bought into sharp focus when everything goes quiet and just stops.
'There are other professionals that you need to go to'
You get left in your own head, with your own thoughts and can see who you are, the good and the bad. The stress this has created for us, will force some of our worst characteristics out into the open, but also give us the opportunity to use our best ones for the benefit of others.
I hope you, like my clients, have learned about yourself during this time, because then it won’t have been for nothing. If you’ve turned inward and really looked at yourself, examined your motivators and ambitions you might have discovered you have a tendency toward the negative. In viral terms, negativity can spread like a virus. This might be something you want to work on in future because a mood hoover can cause a nasty ripple effect (just look at the mass media right now). I challenge you to take this new found appreciation and be a force for good, express gratitude, be kind to yourself, and those close to you.
Sometimes, simply you can do that by holding your tongue, if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.
If you’ve only been offering the minimum up until now, but expecting the maximum, have a word with yourself. That’s not sustainable for her, are you adding to her life or depleting her, think about it. This is also a good time to remind you about the negativity, don’t bring that to her when she fills you up with such joy. Because there are many of you and she can’t cope with all of you putting your sadness, stresses and pressures on her. That’s not what she’s for, there are other professionals that you need to go to resolve those issues.
So when I talk about “offering the minimum” I don’t just mean more money. Because not all our clients are rich enough to tribute extra. But if you can’t spend more, do more, or take less. But prioritise her reserves of strength as well as finances. Or you will lose her, one way or another.
And you know what that feels like now… remember the pain of her absence. Never take her touch for granted again.
The BDSM community can seem alien when you first encounter it, but all it takes is a little patience and some basic research. This is not the Illuminati, or the Masons – there is no ritual, human sacrifice or handshake to get in – you just have to learn how to interact with people all over again.
There is no doubt about it, sexual desires are distracting. At the worst possible time, that little prick shaped bit of your brain pings and there you are, off in fantasy land with last month’s paperwork piling up beside you in the home office while you once again wander off to your favourite subscription site with your hand in your pants. Sufficiently jerked off, you wash your hands and wipe the sweat from your brow before logging in to that Zoom call.
No matter what stage of your relationship, dating, long-term or fully committed, sharing your innermost taboo secrets with someone will seem like the most nerve-wracking thing in the world. But what if I told you the conversation could open you up to experiences you previously thought weren’t possible? What if the conversation led to foreplay or better yet raw, red-hot kinky sex!