I’m no psychologist but there’s definitely parallels in my professional interactions. I am certainly a matriarchal figure; my rules are important and there are consequences if they are not followed. Much like a mother, I try to keep you safe and control your negative behaviours. Offering reassurance and stern levels of care, I am often a guide and looked to for answers – all while looking beautifully poised and put together.

In most scenarios, the Oedipal undertones are there by default, they flash back. You are almost certainly nervous and unsure of yourself in my presence, that might well be something you haven’t felt since childhood. As a grown-up you have managed to gain confidence in the world, survive difficulties but that all disappears the moment you arrive at my dungeon. There is a fear that exists next to reverence. I am adored, and your previously deeply hidden desire to please me and be told you have been a “good boy” is bubbling to the surface.

There are some requests that are far more blatant. Over the knee (OTK) spankings, being verbally berated and depending upon your generation, caned or slapped – all very strong reminders of adults asserting their dominance over your impressionable childhood. Often in these session roleplay scenes, I dress conservatively, austerely to convey power and righteousness. I will offer you scraps of affection and praise, driving you to chase more of it. These kinds of sessions are a safe space for regression and exploration of this theme. One day a humiliating taboo, the next Mummy and her boy. Her good boy, her bad boy…her dirty boy. Were you one of those boys that touched his mothers underwear drawer? Did you wear her things? It is perfectly okay to play this out with me and process that part of your life through kink.

If you have sexual thoughts about me after a scene like that, it is almost inappropriate given the context of our interaction. But it’s actually okay. There is Freudian shame overshadowing the sexual desires, but I’m not your mother and rarely is it even ever about physical sexual attraction to your mother. It’s usually a manifestation of another “need” from your childhood or linked to another maternal figure in your life. Strong women are potent and hard to forget: it can manifest as a headmistress fetish and be linked to forbidden matriarchs from your formative years. Strong women signify safety and stable relationships: who wouldn’t want to fall into that feeling?!