Zelophilia - the gateway to cuckolding?
Zelophilia is the name for sexual arousal arising from feelings of jealousy. Jealousy is an emotion that stems from the ego. It is your pride feeling threatened. Perhaps you are worried that your partner may prefer someone else to you, or that you could lose her. For some men, jealousy is an uncontrollable, misogynistic frenzy that damages relationships and people. For others, it is a low, rumbling, feeling that never causes any damage on the outside, but is felt insidiously on the inside and damages the relationship by degrees.
Then there are those for whom the emotion has become an unexpected turn on. Because jealousy is such an overwhelming emotion, it is often described as “pure torture” because it never really goes away. It has a habit of lingering. So, if you have latent or unexplored submissive tendencies, or have untapped masochistic depths – jealousy may come to feel very different to you.
Jealousy hurts. It hurts the ego. It makes men feel insignificant, unattractive, and impotent. Many subs enjoy being made to feel these things in a session. Many men ask to be made to feel these as part of a humiliation fetish. So, leveraging the jealousy is an obvious way to compound those feelings into one unique experience. I have heard it said before that emotional pain is far harder to endure than physical pain, as the latter doesn’t usually last too long. Emotional pain can be drawn out, revisited and triggered. The parallels are all too obvious in a BDSM scene, how the site of pain can be poked and prodded at will, and sometimes the anticipation of the cane is an enjoyable kind of foreplay. Fear is another emotion to be played with and weaved into a session so why stop there?
I find subs get jealous of each other all the time. If one is getting more attention, or is able to book more time, more often. It drives them crazy. But this is not useful to me. They become clingy, desperate and annoying. The point of this article is not to encourage jealous behaviour, far from it. The point is that for some of you it is processed in a way that is useful to me.
“…in the moment, that burning heat in his veins gets converted from rage into a new level of lust.“
Those men who are not particularly self-aware or reflective about their behaviours will continue to experience jealousy as an unpleasant flare-up. But in some relationships, where communication is encouraged, it can grow into something else. Perhaps the turning point will come after a situation naturally unfolds; where another man brazenly oversteps, and his partner responds in a way that makes his ego feel threatened. But in the moment, that burning heat in his veins gets converted from rage into a new level of lust.
He may be as surprised as she is to learn that a mild flirtation right in front of his face, has caused the blood to rush to his genitals. Which leads us onto the next question…
Is Zelophilia the gateway to cuckolding?
It might seem like that next step is tantalisingly close, but actually in many cases it’s quite a leap. Because most women in monogamous relationships don’t actively encourage or want additional attention from men. Most of the situations that cause their partner to become jealous are often figments of their imagination (driven by insecurities) or the result of uninvited attention getting blown-out of all proportion. Either way, the woman is often oblivious to it. So, it is not reasonable to assume that just because the jealous partner is aroused, that she will be wanting to take it the next level.
“gently flirting with another man in front of him will cut like a knife.”
It’s important to understand that there is a deep satisfaction in emotional torture, and sometimes that can be enough. When you have a man that is deeply in love with you, gently flirting with another man in front of him will cut like a knife. But a man that likes to be hurt physically and emotionally, can get a hot hit from this kind of exchange when you both know which buttons to push. Imagine; I’m holding my cuck husbands hand, while my other hand is being held by the optimistic man at the bar that is trying to chat me up. That will be a sweet agony for my tormented partner.
To graduate to cuckolding BOTH parties have to want to go there. But if you are turned on by the feeling’s jealousy gives you, and your partner is an outrageous flirt that is already teetering on the brink of “cheating” then you have the “golden ticket”. If you’ve previously had suspicions that she is cheating or know she already has, but eventually been turned on by the revelation, then you are one honest conversation away from being made into a cherished cuck husband.
Why do some of us like the idea of our partner being touched or fucked by someone else?
“allowing her to “cheat” on you, doesn’t actually undermine that trust. It strengthens it.“
Jealousy is an incendiary emotion. It feels like a grenade, but for those with a cuck fantasy, they are willingly throwing themselves on the bomb as it goes off. They are absorbing and repurposing the damage that rips through them. It’s a rush, and like most kinks, that lies at the heart of it. Doing something highly risky always has an appeal, and it is certainly risky to agree to allow another man a free-pass with your wife. He might be better than you… at all of it? She might prefer him, she might leave you? The stakes are certainly high enough to offer a primal rush.
At the very least, these men are offering their partner’s the opportunity to go about their day and interact with men without fear of an argument arising as a result. If she has no interest in sleeping with other men, then this can be a way to bring stability to the relationship, to reduce tensions.
Like every kink, there are levels to it. Jealousy can be inflamed by a look, a touch or other subtleties. For others it might be hot to be locked outside a door where you can hear your Mrs seducing another man.
But if you have a partner who is more than ready to become a “hot-wife” then you both need to think about what you want from it and have that difficult conversation. The only way to be in any kind of long-term kink relationship is to be painfully honest throughout. Both of you have to be so emotionally invested in your partner to successfully navigate the problems that involving others can throw up.
How to win at jealousy
You have to think about how far it could go? And as always set boundaries before you begin. If you know “dogging” would be a hard limit for you – then now would be the time to say. Trust will be everything, and allowing her to “cheat” on you, doesn’t actually undermine that trust. It strengthens it.
But think how much stress and negativity will be removed from the relationship once jealousy can no longer exist there. If anything, she may well now become an over sharer, coming home from work to tell you about the hot, young guy who brings her coffee every day and is clearly building up to something. The next day she tells you she gave him her number… and on it goes…
I love this kink because it has the potential to turn an infamous negative into a progressive positive. It can become something that gives her more power and the relationship a deeper connection. You can both feel free, in very different ways. And of course it’s important to remember that this is a kink indulged in by all genders and sexual preferences.
The BDSM community can seem alien when you first encounter it, but all it takes is a little patience and some basic research. This is not the Illuminati, or the Masons – there is no ritual, human sacrifice or handshake to get in – you just have to learn how to interact with people all over again.
There is no doubt about it, sexual desires are distracting. At the worst possible time, that little prick shaped bit of your brain pings and there you are, off in fantasy land with last month’s paperwork piling up beside you in the home office while you once again wander off to your favourite subscription site with your hand in your pants. Sufficiently jerked off, you wash your hands and wipe the sweat from your brow before logging in to that Zoom call.
No matter what stage of your relationship, dating, long-term or fully committed, sharing your innermost taboo secrets with someone will seem like the most nerve-wracking thing in the world. But what if I told you the conversation could open you up to experiences you previously thought weren’t possible? What if the conversation led to foreplay or better yet raw, red-hot kinky sex!