What is it about Denial?
“They say it takes one month to develop a new habit”
Locktober is over… and It’s been a bumpy road for us all. I’ve felt both desperate to make you break and concerned that you were going to fall short of your self-made vow. I have to confess, the whole time I had my fingers crossed that you would make it. I want nothing more than to see you achieve great things, have willpower, have strength and conviction!
They say it takes one month to develop a new habit, and with so much unplanned time on our hands during 2020 (and man juice in the case of you unsupervised fiddlers!) we have had this unusual opportunity to create new habits. October was the perfect time to get locked away and get a little more productive during the day, chastity with me in charge can, as it’s now been proven, be exceptionally motivating!
“I can proudly call you #TeamDiamond”
My daily videos showed a journey through my mixed emotions. I began teasing you as normal,and moved through the frustrated and restless stage as my nudges and tricks were defeated. I then went through my own phase of ‘orgasm October’ just as your hurt started to kick in. If you were lucky enough, I updated you with each shuddering orgasm I had, while you were nothing but a throbbing mess. But somehow, I ended up feeling conflicted, as my teasing didn’t break you. It fuelled me to dig deeper, push harder, to see you struggle. But nothing felt as good as knowing I had, despite my best efforts, the strongest people on my side, and that I can proudly call you #TeamDiamond. It meant a lot to me that you made it.
You survived that month long cum-ban to demonstrate your devotion and resolve. Toward the end your levels of subservience were truly endearing. The self-serving male traits were decreasing and your attention was on me. I suspect when your phone “pings”, or you see that little message notification pop up when you log in… that alone can tip you into “subby” mode.
“Your submission nourishes me”
Locktober taught me so much about my own needs as well as the needs of those around me. I realised that I require, and grow from, your constant care and affection. I’ve said before how your submission nourishes me and those of you (the vast majority) who made it, gave me such a fun month.
Those who didn’t – I don’t blame you for cracking. But as I felt you retreat from me, from your own goals, I felt more sad for you than for me. I mean the teasing was relentless, at points my frustration got stupidly funny but the rest of the time… it was downright hot. There was always going to be a fail rate. I had asked about your hopes and dreams, how we could re-focus your mind off your dick and instant gratification if you dedicated yourself to this. But the “need” to cum was just too overwhelming, I get that.
You can always try again. But you have to examine and reflect upon why you failed last time. You have to learn from your mistakes, otherwise why would I invest myself in you a second time. I am a cerebral Domme, I am not happy unless I am chewing on your soul, so when I begin with a new sub I am in it for the long haul. For me to consider another period of keyholding, you will need to give me a reason why I should.
Any Domme can hold that key, but get one that is trying to positively impact your life. One that is there to do more than call you a “bitch” and tell you to “fuck off” daily. Graduate, grow up for fuck sake! If you knew how long term chastity could improve you, you’d sign up and send me the key before I could say “cum ban”.
This doesn’t have to be a “journey”, you may be very happy with your life and ambitions as is. But I’d still want to know what makes you tick. I am not one-dimensional and I am sure you are not either. I am much more than just a woman or just another Domme, and I realise you are more than just another hopeless wanker. Our time together, as I hope you now understand, benefits us both.
Many of us with kinks spend the early part of our lives feeling bad or wrong or broken. But we are none of those things. I suspect that most people, the majority of the population, are turned on by things other than genitals. It is subtleties we find erotic, extras that turn us on mentally. And I think that is all that separates us from vanilla’s – a better imagination and the courage to pursue it. Being kinky means you are enlightened, you realise that our brains are our most powerful sexual organ. If it was just about penetration, it would be a very dull life, kink is the bonus round of the bedroom. So why does it make us feel ostracised and abnormal? Why do we spend so many years feeling alone and weird? Because we have so much else going on that kink becomes the escape? It gets ignored and side-lined until you can’t ignore it any longer…?
It’s basic kinky etiquette to consider your partner in the chosen activity and scene. Never is this more important than with anal play. I can tell if someone has tried (or not) or if someone has rushed it. The last thing either of us wants is for a session to end before it’s even begun.