Diary of a Pregnant Dominatrix

My Best Kept Secret

Finding out you’re pregnant is a big deal. Each pregnancy comes with its own unique challenges but there are two things we know for certain: it will change your body and it will be utterly exhausting.

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was at the peak of my career as a Dominatrix. In terms of how this might affect my income and brand, I had very little to go on. Searching for any experiences of pregnancy, maternity leave parenthood as a sex worker had limited results, especially within the realms of online sex work. For a UK industry with a predominantly female* workforce, and online content giant OnlyFans boasting a pool of 1.5 million** creators this came as a big surprise.

"I have decided to speak freely about my experience"

In the hope that this aids the destigmatisation of consensual erotic work and assists and educates those in the industry who might be about to embark on parenthood, I have decided to speak freely about my own experience. I don’t intend to confront conflicting cultural attitudes or cast judgment: this is not a comment on gender roles or parenthood. This is simply an economic look at my own pregnancy, health, and the decisions I took while pregnant at work in the adult sector. I hope to demystify the process and help fellow workers make informed decisions about their businesses.

The First Few Days

As well as the usual excitement of the special moment I found out I was expecting, my thoughts about work were”How the hell will I earn?” With lockdowns forcing clients online, my business was in a growth phase. It wouldn’t have made sense for me to take a step back – plus, I didn’t want to! I love my job, and my husband was thrilled at the chance to take paternity leave. Because my body was a business matter as well as a personal one, I had to question if ‘going public’ was the right business call. One thing I knew: society hears pregnancy and presumes maternity “time off”. I was confident that publicly announcing my pregnancy would have prompted my clients to believe I was taking time off, just at the time I needed job security and a steady income. I wanted to be able to have a career and a family just as any expectant parent in any job role should be able to do. I wanted to make as informed a choice as possible, so I Googled the hell out of it, asked peers and looked into stats and studies.

The Research

The sex industry is a legitimate form of commercial labor. It has subsectors, dedicated and specific services, awards and unions. But surprisingly, for an industry with a predominantly female workforce*, I could find very few documented experiences of pregnancy or parenthood while working in the online adult sector. There was barely anything, let alone enough data to influence such a big personal and business decision.

There are a fair few studies on pregnancy and parenthood for freelance, self-employed, or business owners. However, it’s as if discussing parenthood in the adult industry is the last taboo.

One thing I did find in my Googling: a whole lot of porn! Pornhub ranked “pregnant” as the 107th most popular search term in the USA, alongside “redhead” and “babysitter”. Some of the most popular related searches on Pornhub include “get me pregnant”, “pregnant creampie” and “pregnant wife”.

Pregnancy and lactation content is even more popular in the world of amateur porn and camming. On the cam and clip site ManyVids “pregnant” is, remarkably, the number two most searched term, surpassed only by “anal.” Pregnancy dedicated forum preggophilia boasts 58,842 registered members as well as a regularly updated catalogue of pregnant and lactating cam and content stars. The only instances of publicly pregnant sex workers seem to be brief mentions in blogs or scandalous exposès like that of Summer Sebastian. While working at the bunny ranch in Nevada in 2017, Summer Sebastian made international headlines when she announced on her blog that she would see clients until delivery. At that time, Summer had never met any other sex worker who continued working while pregnant. More recently, in late 2020, at 9 months pregnant Maxine Holloway starred alongside Mickey Mod in the AfterGlow Film “Cravings’ which went on to be part of the official selection at the 2021 San Francisco Porn Film Festival.

“Pregnant” is the 107th most popular [porn] search term in the USA, alongside “redhead” and “babysitter.”

My Options

Hide my pregnancy and continue on as ‘normal’.

Privacy was a business matter as well as a personal one. The positive to this would be that my income would most likely remain steady. The negative of this was figuring out how to hide it and create content with a growing bump.

Reveal my pregnancy and capitalise on it. The positives of this were that my content would now be seen by new eyes in new subcategories. I would potentially gain new subscribers and my income would potentially increase, albeit for a fairly short term. The negatives of this were that I didn’t enjoy the prospective fetishisation of my pregnant body. I also wondered once my pregnancy was over if I would see a decline in that initial income spike as the world assumes I would be on maternity leave.

After self-re flection, and discussions with my husband and assistants I decided for the benefit of my family, safety, brand, and long-term income I would
NOT publicly reveal my pregnancy. I wanted to keep my private life private and my income as steady as possible. At no point did i want my brand to appear offline.

To aid in understanding the financial implications of my decisions, I have calculated my average monthly income from the last few years, and from now on will be referring to this as 100%. Each month shows how far above or below average my income was. For transparency, my income was made up of on average 60% online work and 40% face-to-face work. Before my pregnancy I was in the lucky position to be able to hire assistants. Therefore the figures I provide include this expenditure.

In deciding to not reveal my pregnancy I expected my income to generally decrease (by 40% initially) due to less real-time work. I expected another dip should new content not be available to purchase. I also anticipated less energy to spend on subscription site communication and therefore also a drop in tips and cross sales. On paper, things were looking pretty worrying and I knew I had to work hard to change the outlook.

Month One

In the world of online sex workers, and by this I mean feet pic sellers, content creators, and fetish video sellers. The key to any success is new, quality content (videos and photos) and being present online to take part in voice and text interactions. These interactions provide tips or cross sales such as video content. It was important that I prepared enough content to continually deliver a consistent, fresh, and exciting online experience during the months when I will be too tired, or big to film. Before my bump was too obvious, I began curating and storing content. I was aware that my income was likely to slow down as my attention and energy were to be elsewhere. I was also aware that I needed to support myself financially on the other side of the birth too, so began a strategy of maximizing savings as well as earning potential. Because of the Covid risk at the time, I immediately stopped accepting new session clients and would only take select bookings from my owned submissives. I was extremely sensitive to smells and it was hard to film and session with nausea and extreme tiredness. My month ended at 96% compared to my average income, so all around very much a great month despite a big reduction in in-person meetings and spending a lot of my time on content creation.

Month Two

I continued to create additional stills and video content making sure my outfits suited the season for which they would be used. The Halloween collar shot and the ‘summer’ dress shot you see. Taken on the same day.

My bump was starting to show, especially in tight clothing like latex. At one point I almost fainted on set from the heat.

My income for this month came out at 106% of my average income which was a surprise. My attention to online activities now outweighed my real-time work and this was reflected in the income boost, which covered the loss of real-time earnings.

"At no point did I want my brand to appear offline."

Month Three

I told the few submissives I had chosen to continue to see about my pregnancy and they were, naturally, delighted for me. I created a ‘Life Updates Group’ that fans could join for $10 so that my longtime fans and submissives who knew about the pregnancy could come on the journey with me. The select few who knew I was pregnant were allowed in this group and everyone understood that they were to make no mention of my pregnancy elsewhere.

I was feeling exhausted, stopped dungeon sessions entirely, and reduced filming to just a few days a month while continuing to capture images using clever angles. I almost fainted again while wearing latex, so from then on could really only make content wearing flowing or bump-hiding outfits. By now I had enough film and photographic content to last 12 months, until summer 2022. I was really fortunate to be in the financial position to have a little nest egg growing as well as a bump.

My income for this month came out at 86% of my average income. This was no surprise as I was always too tired to give more time to work.

Month Four & Five

An interview from late 2020 appeared in AVN magazine, and the publicity around this was very much needed. Privately, the pressure of working at full speed was beginning to take its toll. I was struggling with my mental health, but as a business owner I couldn’t help but feel I needed to knuckle down and continue to prepare for a tough few months.

My month ended very low at just 57% of my average income. In month five, more and more people wanted to join the life updates group. Perhaps they sensed they were missing out on something. As a deterrent, I increased the price to $70.

Lots of my long-term fans confessed to having a secret pregnancy fetish. At the time I had complex feelings around it, so I declined lots of custom film requests. I began to use the content that I had stored and was feeling a burst of energy compared to the first few months. I was getting fantastic support from the peri-natal mental health team. Despite being tired things felt very level at work which was reflected financially as the month ended at 81% of my average income.

“Lots of my long-term fans confessed to having a secret pregnancy fetish”

Month Six

The life updates group was proving super popular so I increased the price to $150 and then $250. As all my loyal and long-term subscribers and fans were already in the group it would only be new, unknown people who would join at the higher rate. I felt that the higher price was both a deterrent to the casual onlooker and priced in accordance with the exclusive access to my private life. I continued to create some content for social media and my OnlyFans & Loyal Fans platforms using smart angles and coverups. I was probably working harder than I ever have under the looming pressure of maternity leave. As any business owner will tell you, it is important to have a successful plan for the direction of your brand when you physically can’t be there to control it. My husband and I decided that all being well, I would be having two weeks of maternity leave and return to work on a phased return. This two weeks would begin as soon as labour started with a phone call to my assistant to give her the nod to take over. My husband was delighted to have the opportunity to experience things that he had missed with our first child as he retuned to work after two weeks, when his paternity leave ended. As I was working from my home office I would still be at home, breastfeeding, as well as involved and flexible in supporting my family. This month ended at 67% income compared to my average month.

“all being well, I would be having two weeks of maternity leave”

Month Seven

I took a trip to Brighton to meet with my assistant, spend some time perfecting the schedule and plan for the post-pregnancy months. We planned a new clip to be released every week and the content posting schedule would remain the same throughout, with 3-5 posts a day.

I became very skilled at providing just enough information on the main OnlyFans page, as you can see with these photos. The bump one was sent to members of the Life Updates Group while the shots from behind went out on the main feed.

I suffered from postnatal depression in my first pregnancy, so the anxiety I started to feel around the 7-month mark was no surprise. I struggled to bond with my bump and felt frustrated that my ability to work and be ‘normal’ was fading. I was admitted to an acute mental health ward while my medications were adjusted. While on the ward, I continued to work as and when I could on my phone. Ironically, it was during this month that I earned my highest income at 145% of my average income.

Month Eight & Nine

My pregnancy was still a complete secret and not seen on my main subscription feeds. My social media feeds hadn’t referenced anything and still only the very exclusive bunch of people knew. The subscriber rate for the Life Updates Group was now at $500.

For a long time, I was very anti-pregnancy content. It’s not that I was bothered by it as a fetish in any way. More so I wondered a lot about consent, future reach and implications of the content. After a lot of deliberation, I decided to go ahead and shoot some clips while pregnant. I was in a unique position. I didn’t need to do anything with them if I didn’t want to, and it would be a welcome distraction to bury myself in something creative. I spent one day (around six hrs) creating seven clips, which would turn out to be one of the smartest business decisions I ever made.

Month 8 ended at 73% income compared to my average and month 9 came in at 61% of my average income.

Birth & Maternity Leave

It was time. The moment all my preparation had been building to. I gave my assistant the nod, and she took over everything as we had planned. This period is a beautiful blur. As is common with a lot of pregnancies, the delivery and days immediately following it often get lost in the overwhelming newness of it all. My priority was my family and my wellbeing, and as tempting as it was to check in with work I knew that we had spent 9 months preparing for exactly this moment, to give me this time. I wasn’t going to waste it. My month ended at 84% compared to my average monthly income. Considering I personally didn’t touch anything over this period I think that’s a really good income. My brand was still thriving and no-one except the people in the group knew I was even absent.

"She left neonatal intensive care at 10 days old,
and 3 days later I was back in my office..."

Getting Back to Normal

Little Miss was born two weeks early. She left neonatal intensive care at 10 days old, and 3 days later I was back in my office creating content (pictured). This may seem wild to some, but this is exactly the day my husband would have had to return to work had we done things ‘traditionally’. Month 11 ended at 77% compared to my average income. As expected, I didn’t bring much to the party that month but had that pre-scheduled content to ensure things continued to tick along. Unfortunately, when my daughter was just 2 days old, the main website I worked on announced it was shutting down with just 4 weeks notice. This is called de-platforming. My income literally stopped overnight. All that content I had in the bank to last until summer, I now had to use to incentivise subscribers to move to a new website in a bid to minimise damage to my fanbase and income. Month 12 ended at 38% compared to my average income. Breastfeeding was extremely important to me but whatever I tried, she wouldn’t latch. I wonder if the time she spent in neonatal care established her relationship with a bottle. I was desperate to succeed so was expressing milk at every opportunity. While I worked, in the middle of the night, on the road. It was at the four-month mark that I realised bonding was the barrier. At this point, I was supported by an incredible Mother & Baby unit.

Through many, many nights, guilt, and tears, and with the help of the staff at the MBU we managed to establish natural breastfeeding without the use of a pump or bottle. It’s something that is a bigger triumph than any award or accolade and something I will treasure forever.

The Stats

Despite all the planning, a financial fluctuation was expected. My business undoubtedly benefitted from the preplanning.

The de-platforming in month 12 and the subsequent scramble not to lose my fanbase would have been a huge mountain to climb even without a newborn. Luckily, with the support of fans and the new content to use as an incentive, I have managed to regain a steady climb back to, and above, normal.

Baring in mind that the figures include my investment in my assistants time it may appear that my gross income went down, but in fact I was earning the same or more. Increasing my expenditure on assistants was an investment for the latter stages of pregnancy and my phased return to work.This investment started to pay off from month 7 and continues to this day.

I know looking at it that you might think that pregnancy is the worst thing that can happen to your business. But the numbers tell a 2D story. Ultimately what I was able to do was keep my business alive. I keep my long-term clients active and engaged so that when I was ready to pick it back up, nothing had changed. If I had dropped it all for the months of pregnancy, starting again after even a short maternity leave would have been so daunting, nigh impossible. I hope this information provides a small path for those who may find themselves as lost as I did. I’m so proud that my business is now stronger than ever and my family is complete.

"I hope this information provides a small path for those who may find themselves as lost as I did."

Looking Back

Looking back, would I do anything differently? No. I’m really glad I have completed my family and kept it a secret while continuing to work on my business and brand. My pregnancy felt special, it felt it was my secret to share on my terms in my way. I’m glad I filmed some content, but I am also really glad that I kept the pregnancy out of sight at the time.

I’m so lucky I have such a supportive husband and accepting family. I’m grateful to my assistant and friend, Eilidh, whose work over my pregnancy was vital to the business’s continued success.

I also want to thank the Doctors and staff at the MBU, (especially Lady Emily!) for the incredible work they do every day. Despite being the first working mum who had stayed with them, the staff supported my needs and empowered me to keep in touch with my business.

Sharing My Experience

In an attempt to demystify the process and help fellow workers make informed decisions about their businesses I decided to speak freely about my experience. I took some time out to speak with Jess and Cass from the Business, Babies and Bossing It podcast.

The show features guests sharing their experiences of running businesses alongside raising a family. We talked about shaking taboos, carving a new path in the sex work landscape, and navigating the line between personal and professional.

Notable Names

Sex workers who have been publicly pregnant while continuing to work in the adult industry, who I greatly admire.

Maddie Young, Sadie Holmes, Scarlett Lacy, Sadie Lune, Lola Luscious, Maxine Holloway.

Resources & Contacts

Mental Health Support: https://www.samaritans.org

Perinatal Mental Health Support: https://www.mind.org.uk

Perinatal mental health (PMH) problems are those which occur during pregnancy or in the first year following the birth of a child. Perinatal mental illness affects up to 20% of new and expectant mums and covers a wide range of conditions. If left untreated, mental health issues can have significant and long-lasting effects on the woman, the child, and the wider family. – NHS England

Sex Worker Union: https://www.uvwunion.org.uk/en/

Business, Babies & Bossing It Podcast: https://open.spotify.com

*Of the approximately 72,800 sex workers in the UK — 88% are women (No research we have found distinguishes between trans women, trans men, and non-binary sex workers, nor asked those who identified themselves as female or male whether they identified as the gender they were assigned at birth.) Brooks-Gordon, B., Mai, N., Perry, G., Sanders, T. (2015). Calculating the Number of Sex Workers and Contribution to Non-Observed Economy in the UK for the Office for National Statistics 2015. Request the PDF here.

**Subscription sites like OnlyFans, which boasts 1.5 million creators, provide legitimate online spaces where virtual face-to-face, text, and voice-based interactions can be monetized. Read more here.

UK House Of Commons Home Affairs Committee 2016-17. Report on Prostitution. Read more here.