Pain and pleasure in a play scene
Pain is not just about body parts and nerve endings, it’s the output of the brain, the response that is designed to protect you. It’s not something that comes from the touch of the flogger itself, but the neurological sequence of events that lead up to that very moment, the explosion of agony that follows my hand.
Of course, the variable in all the styles is the owner of the stroke, her style will define the finishing touch and weight in each strike.
In a play sense, when that moment of pain is over and your skin cools, your mind comes back to itself, and you go back to your life. You will not feel damaged or broken you will feel enlivened and emboldened. Like a “survivors rush”.
"The brain is a powerful tool, and some have the ability to tune out pain or control it, manage it in a different way."
The next time you step into my sphere, your mental pathways respond to all the same stimuli – Pavlov’s Dogs. Your skin starts to prickle and your heart rate rises as the same smells reach your nose, your mouth goes dry and you are so ready to repeat the experience. All of these reflexes are your memories telling your brain “I remember this place, it hurt but I also remember the high after, it felt so good. There is no danger here.”
Everyone also has different pain thresholds, but with the right motivations (pleasure receptor stimulus) you can push through the pain barrier and make me proud. We are conditioned to see pain as a bad thing, and in most circumstances that would be logical and sensible. But here, the power exchange is not the only reversal of societal norms.
How hard someone can take a beating is not about how much physical pain they can absorb, it is about how much mental resilience they have. The brain is a powerful tool, and some have the ability to tune out pain or control it, manage it in a different way. I think perhaps it still hurts the same for everyone, but how we process pain is on a huge spectrum. This often catches me out, because the people you think look formidable and solid aren’t always the toughest.
"These shared experiences bring us closer together through suffering and the subsequent aftercare."
You don’t have to be a “painslut” to enjoy pain either, it can applied lightly and still hurt enough to cause you to feel a little turned on. Like an addict, risking your body for a high by placing the needle into your skin, your neurological memory sets in motion the pain/pleasure sequence. My job is balancing you in that no-mans-land between agony and ecstasy, leaving you hovering there until I choose to tip you over either edge. I decide how much of either rush you get, and for how long.
Secondary pain will come in the days that follow, I am the gift that keeps on giving.
The days after the session the sharpness of the immediate impact sites will begin to fade and be replaced by wider throbbing or aching. This is like a free day of pain, it’s a bonus. I know some of my subs love to take home wounds, bruises or stripes. These souvenirs are like badges of honour and they have been hard earned.
As with most BDSM practices, there are interpretations, varieties and personal preferences. But pain is not linear. It is not simply a message from tissue to brain cell, it ripples on and on, and we can feel it long after the moment has passed. For my subs it comes to mean so much more, it is a way of connecting us. These shared experiences bring us closer together through suffering and the subsequent aftercare. This final stage is crucial in the overall processing of pain. I talked about motivators before, and a devoted sub will go through some really tough scenes if he knows he will get a hug later or some other affectionate, caring reward. Aftercare is not prescriptive, it varies widely I am sure, we all have our own way of dispensing it, but without it there is a gaping hole and the sub can feel very lost and abandoned with his / her bruises. Because that pain is endured for the Dominant’s pleasure, that needs to be communicated by the Top and gratitude shown for the sacrifice. This does not mean mothering or overly affectionate embraces are a must, both parties must be comfortable with the levels of aftercare, but there has to be a moment of peace together at the end. Where both feel appreciated, even if it is just briefly.
The BDSM community can seem alien when you first encounter it, but all it takes is a little patience and some basic research. This is not the Illuminati, or the Masons – there is no ritual, human sacrifice or handshake to get in – you just have to learn how to interact with people all over again.
There is no doubt about it, sexual desires are distracting. At the worst possible time, that little prick shaped bit of your brain pings and there you are, off in fantasy land with last month’s paperwork piling up beside you in the home office while you once again wander off to your favourite subscription site with your hand in your pants. Sufficiently jerked off, you wash your hands and wipe the sweat from your brow before logging in to that Zoom call.
No matter what stage of your relationship, dating, long-term or fully committed, sharing your innermost taboo secrets with someone will seem like the most nerve-wracking thing in the world. But what if I told you the conversation could open you up to experiences you previously thought weren’t possible? What if the conversation led to foreplay or better yet raw, red-hot kinky sex!