You work hard for your money! So it’s worth considering that over the period of time a sub will usually be in my service, he will on average spend a substantial sum, I’m talking thousands. So, unless you are a kinkster, that is just looking for a hit of BDSM on an opportunistic basis, you should really take your time selecting the right Dominatrix. You’ve waited a long time to do this, another day of careful reading, cross-checking a few things is a smart move. Ideally, you want to find a Domme that you can devote yourself to long term, because that is where the next level play happens. That is when the bond is formed and you can truly reap the rewards of that time spent sifting through websites, reading up on her, learning her. You have to be prepared to invest time as well as money to get what you want and need!
There are plenty of us out there, more every day it seems, but not all that glitters is gold boys!
Please do some research, as you would with any significant investment. Read info on the website, contact her politely, ask sensible, cautious questions (that don’t focus solely on your dick). Look at the venue she uses. What is she like, what does she like? What does she NOT like? Are you going to be a good fit?
Let say you do all this, you think I am the one for you. You book a session (online or real-time) and we get on great, the weeks and months pass. This is more than you could have hoped for, you feel so close to me, its the best feeling ever. Now you have a new fear, the fear of pissing me off and losing me.
You are growing as a submissive and your boundaries are being gently pushed. You are loving it, you’d hate to mess up, right?
Let me tell you the number 1 way every “special” sub screws it up…. you ready?
Pushing her boundaries – Thinking that because you get on so well, you can message her when you feel like it, for free. That she’d want to hang out, go get a coffee … for free. That you basically begin to encroach on her personal time. You have made the fatal mistake of forgetting she is a service provider and has a life that she wants to keep separate from this. But because she is so good at her job, she’s made you feel special – you are starting to believe you should get special treatment. Sadly, you just sealed your own fate.
Emotional boundaries are as sacred a physical ones. We both need to feel emotionally and physically safe to be able to enjoy our time together. It’s an amazing thing to feel understood. As a Dominant woman, that seems so strong and impenetrable (on every level!) it can be easy to forget we have feelings too. We are trusting you not to cross any of the lines we set out at the start, and to understand and observe the fundamentals of our D/S.
You’re getting to discover so much more about yourself, and this is what you are “buying”. It’s an experience. Don’t forget that crucial detail, and if you ever feel that line is blurring, I need you to know that it is only blurring for you. I know exactly what I am doing, and where that stops, part of my job, however, is to lure you, to seduce you. But remain utterly unattainable. That is part of the game, that is what you are signing up for. So you don’t get to be indignant when I put you back in your place, or tell you to take a time out. Which may or may not turn out to be a permanent time out, depending on how far you pushed it and how many warnings I have given you.
If you can comprehend and process the above, this is what you get to have:
My scheduled attention
An evolving and deepening experience
Priority spots for accompanying me to events
Priority spots for prime time sessions
It is also worth mentioning that my boundaries are mine, and if I choose to soften them I am at liberty to do so. It is not at all unheard of for me to spend time with a sub that has been close to me outside a session. But that is at my discretion and he compensates me because he gets it. I don’t even need to remind him that my time is at a premium. It is this level of commitment and understanding that got him there in the first place.
He realises that tributing my time doesn’t negate the intensity or intimacy of our relationship. It just underscores the basis of it. It shows total respect for my profession, which I work so hard at.
The moment you think you get anything for free, is the moment you risk losing me. I have taken the time to write this because it happens over and over. It is easily avoided if you stick to the rules.
The BDSM community can seem alien when you first encounter it, but all it takes is a little patience and some basic research. This is not the Illuminati, or the Masons – there is no ritual, human sacrifice or handshake to get in – you just have to learn how to interact with people all over again.
There is no doubt about it, sexual desires are distracting. At the worst possible time, that little prick shaped bit of your brain pings and there you are, off in fantasy land with last month’s paperwork piling up beside you in the home office while you once again wander off to your favourite subscription site with your hand in your pants. Sufficiently jerked off, you wash your hands and wipe the sweat from your brow before logging in to that Zoom call.
No matter what stage of your relationship, dating, long-term or fully committed, sharing your innermost taboo secrets with someone will seem like the most nerve-wracking thing in the world. But what if I told you the conversation could open you up to experiences you previously thought weren’t possible? What if the conversation led to foreplay or better yet raw, red-hot kinky sex!