BDSM Etiquette - Gift Giving

Everyone loves being spoiled but with your Domme, the stakes are a little higher.

I have put together an invaluable little list of ways to gift your Domme, and just as importantly – how not to. I know this makes us sound high maintenance… that’s because we are! But this is part of our charm, as we are so hard to please, you will feel so much more elated when you achieve a “good pet”. Praise from us is always hard-earned, for a good reason.

"For the most part, we will always be appreciative of your efforts"

So there are two ways you can go:

  1. The safest option, which is the wishlist. Here she is taking you by the hand and leading you to what she wants, needs and desires. There are cute things, extravagant things, health-related things. But ultimately you can’t go wrong here. This is for the more risk-averse/time-poor.

  2. Swerve the wishlist and go rogue. If you want to buy her an ad-hoc gift the risk is higher but so is the potential reward. If you get this right, she will be stunned in a good way and will always remember you. But you’ll need to have done your research. Her website, her blogs, and her social media will all have hints about what she is into outside of work. You might spot her perfume on a table in a photo, and decide to surprise her with the body lotion. If you’re doing this, do it right! We love a sub that goes above and beyond.

For the most part, we will always be appreciative of your efforts, whether it’s gift cards you’ve sent or a cup of tea you’ve made for us. We see effort, always, because in fact, it is actually quite rare. Rarer than you would think. Your competition to be named “Most attentive sub” is actually very low. Many men say they would do anything, and give anything, but the vast majority never follow through. So to stand out as a reliably generous sub, you don’t need to empty your bank account, you just need to pay attention to the clues. If you get an opportunity to chat with her, ask some subtle questions (not invasive, boundary-crossing ones) if she is open to that. 

How does she spend her downtime, what relaxes her, and makes her smile outside of kink? These are the gems you are mining for. If this in itself seems like a minefield, be direct! Ask her if there is anything you could buy that would make her day a little better.

"[A gift] doesn't count toward payment for a session or service"

This is not a post about how you need to spend more to please us. Quite the opposite. The point I am trying to make is that actually to impress me, you need to shop for something I need that in no way benefits you. Nothing that turns you on, but something perhaps that I need for my work, like a lighting accessory or camera clicker. It’s these selfless gifts that mean a lot. It means you want me to be happy and comfortable, more than you want me to be hot and overstocked with whips.

HOWEVER – When you buy me a gift, regardless of its cost, it doesn’t count toward payment for a session or service. You don’t get to then text me all day to talk about your fantasies, and make me feel obligated by that gift. That would completely negate the gesture. Presumably, you wanted to go to these lengths to make a good impression, to set yourself apart from the others vying for my attention. To go to that much trouble, to then use that gift as leverage is utterly pointless. She will remember you, but for all the wrong reasons.

In summary, gifts don’t pay our bills, they can be helpful and contribute indirectly to our work (clothing or equipment) so if you want to do something nice for us, do something really nice. Make it thoughtful and/or expensive but never predictable or unusable.

Gifts are a nice bonus, but for your favourite Domme (me) to continue doing what she loves, she needs tributes first and foremost.

"We deserve it all, we know this and that is why we are selective about who gets close to us"

We are a rare breed, the Domina’s that work with intelligence, professionalism and care. We deserve it all, we know this and that is why we are selective about who gets close to us. Remember your Domme is more than just a Dominatrix, even on her days off she is a phenomenal female that is most likely in demand elsewhere, she is tired. So, to remain energetic enough for her role with you, she needs things that can assist with self-care, or make life a little easier. To give without a hidden agenda is secretly still a little bit self-serving, because it means she will be able to keep working hard at her role and her energy will be at an optimal (painfully high) level, which you get to enjoy next time you see her.

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