Countess Diamond's guide to Fifth-wave Feminism

Are you a man that only supports the idea of female supremacy when you’re horny? Or do you actually feel like women should have more power and a louder voice about things that affect them in general? Are all Dommes latex clad misandrists? And where does Femdom intersect with Feminism? All good questions that need and deserve answers.

"Submitting to a woman is one thing, but helping all women move away from inequality is a whole other level of manliness."

Typically, the men that seek out a Dominatrix are looking for a world where women are in control; a world where females run the show and dominate the male of the species. But how far does that adoration really go?

For those that see me regularly, I’d say the power exchange and the fact that it is taboo is part of the appeal. In the real world, women don’t behave this aggressively with men; we don’t demand or expect servitude. A dungeon setting is an opportunity to visit the upside-down, to turn the patriarchy on its head for a few hours, but I suspect most of my submissives would eventually get fed up if their freedoms and choices were permanently taken away. For all the talk, I don’t think they are in awe of every woman that crosses their path on a day-to-day basis or that they always get it right out there.

 

Conversely, Dommes that hurt and torture men as part of a fantasy roleplay, do you think it’s driven by a genuine hatred of men?

The women I know in this line of work, have for the most part, been feminists at their core. But they are also often in relationships with men, have sons and brothers, and fathers they love. They just want women to be treated better and to have autonomy over their bodies and lives. The reason we don’t… is down to men.

countess diamond
countess diamond

The patriarchy is at the heart of the problem, but it is worth mentioning that from those I have spoken to, we don’t hate men. Hating the patriarchy isn’t the same as hating all men. It’s hating the system designed by men and rigged heavily in their favour which keeps women down.

That’s where fifth wave feminism picks up the fight and builds on the progress made by feminist heroines over the decades. Previously women tried to change things from within the system. It was a Davina and Goliath type struggle, and the fact that they managed to change anything at all was truly astonishing.

 

The next-gen of feminists, the fifth wavers, are done trying to play by their rules to affect real change in a world designed to frustrate and repeatedly curtail opportunities for women. 

They’re here to break it, to tear it down and are done playing nice. This time it’s all about action because changing things politically takes time, centuries sometimes. And frankly, the patronising attempts at placating our gender with piecemeal offerings of “equality” is no longer acceptable. If you have been paying attention to the news lately, you will have seen the progress so painfully gained, slipping away once again – because the patriarchal mega-machine will cling onto power at all costs. 

Where these oligarchs see lipstick, they offer lip service but will never relinquish any real power. Why would they?

Pushing, through collective actions, to achieve real equality and gain greater influence over political processes is the ultimate aim. To have a seat at every decision-making table (ideally more than one) is the only way to overthrow the tyrannical and systemic abuse of women’s rights. Defending the seats once we have them will require dedicated action and a new level of collective consciousness.

Just look at Texas… see it now? This is the latest backward step in a backwards part of the world, and Feminism 5.0 is pushing back. But we can’t do it alone.

Submitting to a woman is one thing, but helping all women move away from inequality is a whole other level of manliness. This is for your Domme, your mum, your sister, your daughter. We are done being demonised for wanting what men have monopolised since the dawn of time – freedoms and choices. Not sure what I mean? Go onto Google and do a little research on birth control. How much of that responsibility is down to women; how we suffer due to these methods that screw with our bodies. After that Google the history of abortion laws. If you read this and feel relieved you’re a man, that’s when it’s time to reflect on your own actions and inactions.

If you genuinely want to help women improve their lives, these suggestions would be an excellent place to start. 

You can support women by first acknowledging the struggle. Then recalibrating your thinking to incorporate this new knowledge

Positive steps you can take today:

1. Get Educated. You may need to educate yourself on the marginalised groups in society—all of them. Feminisim 5.0 is all about inclusion, and to crush one group hurts all minorities in the long run. It took us too long to learn this, but now we see it. 

countess diamond

A great place to start is with the essays collected by Scarlett Curtis in Feminists Don’t Wear Pink: and other lies.  For something historical I recommend Witches, Sluts, Feminists: Conjuring the Sex Positive by Kristen J. Sollee. For a techy look at Feminism in a digital age, I recommend Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez. ( Don’t worry, these aren’t affiliate links! Despite huge traffic to my site and a very engaged audience who trust what I have to say, I’m a sex worker so I don’t qualify for such things.)

2. Hit the Socials. Through accounts such as these, you will be able to see how subtle sexism can be and how ingrained in society it really is. So many men are “too scared” to talk to a woman in the real world now, “in case they get offended”… This can be overcome really easily; talk to a woman with respect. That’s it! No need to be scared anymore. Find accounts like: @CheerUpLuv retells stories of everyday sexism from around the globe. @OurStreetsNow fights for public sexual harassment to be considered a criminal offence. 

3. Or if you want to listen in casually, there’s the radio: Every weekday morning on BBC Radio 4 woman’s hour provides a microphone for women’s voices and women’s lives. 

4. If you’re into Podcasts: The Guilty Feminist. Each week, host and comedian Deborah Frances-White discuss topics that “all 21st century feminists agree on”.

5. Or if you want to stick on the TV, there are loads of films: Erin Brockovich is always a great watch, as is On The Basis Of Sex which tells the true story of US Supreme Court Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Hidden figures which brings to light the real heroines of the space race. 

Like many political movements, language is important. 

There are some words out there now that may need clarifying:

Womanism; renowned feminist Alice Walker created a separate womanist movement because classic Feminism can be seen as a white woman’s fight. This is for all women, the minorities within the minority. It brings everyone together and makes the cause stronger as a result.

Ableism/Ableist; is any discrimination or prejudice against individuals with disabilities. 

Allyship; refers to being an ally or friend in the fight for equality. Real progress will rely heavily on men calling each other out for casual sexism or whistle-blowers that see the institutional continuation of inequality within politics and commerce.

Benevolent Sexism; is typically a chivalrous attitude toward women that feels favourable but is actually sexist because it reinforces the misconception that women are weak creatures in need of men’s aid or protection. We appreciate the sentiment, but it’s really unhelpful.

Mansplaining; men that try to discredit or devalue a woman’s knowledge by side-lining her voice and going on to explain something she already knows. Like a man contacting me with uninvited advice on “How to be a better Domme”… It’s like one step beyond patronising. 

Lastly, if you want to glimpse our lived experience, buy this t-shirt. Maybe get in pink? You will get stared at by some men for what you are wearing – maybe even have some of these men become inexplicably aggressive to you in the street. If this does happen, you can do what we do and run away. Or you can try to convert an ignorant man into an enlightened one – that’s always a fun game!

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