Beware The Fall.
An experienced and gifted dominant will be able to dance that fine line between the extremes and give you the masochistic thrills you seek. Pleasure / Pain and Agony / Ecstasy I can make these blur to such an extent, that there will be moments where you would swear you felt both at once. Its like running while standing still – Utterly mindblowing.
So much of a great BDSM experience is about balance. Male / Female. Light / Dark. Good / Evil. Up / Down
'I fear... there could be a detonation of depression waiting for Us.'
But unfortunately, the extremes and opposites we utilise in our work, apply to us too. So as we all salivate at the thought of our first session back, it is worth preparing for the possibility of a hyped up, intense first session causing an equally intense Domme drop on the other side.
We all know about Domme drop (Top Drop) and have experienced it to some degree or another. The more amazing a session is, the happier we feel after, and then it can sometimes hit with a corresponding level of sadness. It may manifest as general melancholia, depending on how susceptible you are to depression and anxiety. But I fear that as we all rush back to the dungeon and explode on some poor (lucky!) sub that there could be a detonation of depression waiting for Us.
It’s not until you stop, so you might have that intense first session, then another and another. But after that initial sadistic spree, just mentally prepare in case a drop is coming.
I just wanted to share some of the things I do to try to offset the raw emotions that can arise as a result:
Mentally and physically checkout. If you can just find some time and space, to be uncontactable please do. If it can’t be a whole day, just lock the door and take a bath. Step away from your job for as long as you can on a regular basis.
Keep warm. Warmth is comforting, so the bath is a double treat. Or tea and blankets, and if you can avoid screens do. Just tune into something creative or relaxing for a moment.
'Because those that operate at the top of their game are expending a great deal of emotional & physical energy on other people - daily'
Eat well. It’s not new information, you eat shit you’ll feel shit. Now is the time to be putting good stuff in. This definitely does not mean no chocolate or treats! I would NEVER advocate for that. But just keep the 80/20 rule in mind.
Turn your phone off (or at least your work phone!), this is an obvious one. But I mean all screens, because whichever device you pick up, people will find you and want a piece of you and your time. This is your job and no successful business person works 24/7. They know the value of time off, recharging and recovering.
Breathing exercises, if these work for you add them in for grounding and clarifying your priorities each morning. Make sure your well being is on that list. I suggest an app called headspace, its no fuss approach gets you in the chillzone in no time at all.
All of the above is focused on self care. Because those that operate at the top of their game are expending a great deal of emotional & physical energy on other people – daily. The rise in online only activity has meant a matching rise in the time spent online, I personally spend hours chatting with my boys on my site everyday. This is exhausting on so many levels and is not sustainable, so it’s important to step back. Even if you put the pandemic aside the above is good practice. Think about what makes you feel safe, happy, loved and go do it. Be utterly selfish because actually, we are more often than not, extremely giving and caring people. If we weren’t we wouldn’t be very good at our jobs, we certainly wouldn’t be able to call ourselves professionals. Its that unwritten Duty of Care we have to keep in mind, that’s what you are really paying for. That while you think we are lost in that moment with you, we aren’t. We’re watching the rise and fall of your chest, moving our hands to feel that tightness of your collar. We are “ON” all the time, but the skill comes in appearing “OFF”.
'While you think we are lost in that moment with you, we aren't.'
Subs and slaves that say they would do anything for you, can rarely actually do the one thing you really need (which ironically costs them nothing so there is no excuse) which is to leave you alone for 24 hours. Work, whatever it may be, however much you adore it, can be draining. We don’t have to give an endless supply of kink. Those that see your value and how rare a truly gifted dominant is, will wait. They will understand and send you bath bombs, loose leaf tea, and kittens*…. quietly and without intrusion.
*Please do not send me kittens in the post!
The BDSM community can seem alien when you first encounter it, but all it takes is a little patience and some basic research. This is not the Illuminati, or the Masons – there is no ritual, human sacrifice or handshake to get in – you just have to learn how to interact with people all over again.
There is no doubt about it, sexual desires are distracting. At the worst possible time, that little prick shaped bit of your brain pings and there you are, off in fantasy land with last month’s paperwork piling up beside you in the home office while you once again wander off to your favourite subscription site with your hand in your pants. Sufficiently jerked off, you wash your hands and wipe the sweat from your brow before logging in to that Zoom call.
No matter what stage of your relationship, dating, long-term or fully committed, sharing your innermost taboo secrets with someone will seem like the most nerve-wracking thing in the world. But what if I told you the conversation could open you up to experiences you previously thought weren’t possible? What if the conversation led to foreplay or better yet raw, red-hot kinky sex!