Beware The Fall.
An experienced and gifted dominant will be able to dance that fine line between the extremes and give you the masochistic thrills you seek. Pleasure / Pain and Agony / Ecstasy I can make these blur to such an extent, that there will be moments where you would swear you felt both at once. Its like running while standing still – Utterly mindblowing.
So much of a great BDSM experience is about balance. Male / Female. Light / Dark. Good / Evil. Up / Down
'I fear... there could be a detonation of depression waiting for Us.'
But unfortunately, the extremes and opposites we utilise in our work, apply to us too. So as we all salivate at the thought of our first session back, it is worth preparing for the possibility of a hyped up, intense first session causing an equally intense Domme drop on the other side.
We all know about Domme drop (Top Drop) and have experienced it to some degree or another. The more amazing a session is, the happier we feel after, and then it can sometimes hit with a corresponding level of sadness. It may manifest as general melancholia, depending on how susceptible you are to depression and anxiety. But I fear that as we all rush back to the dungeon and explode on some poor (lucky!) sub that there could be a detonation of depression waiting for Us.
It’s not until you stop, so you might have that intense first session, then another and another. But after that initial sadistic spree, just mentally prepare in case a drop is coming.
I just wanted to share some of the things I do to try to offset the raw emotions that can arise as a result:
Mentally and physically checkout. If you can just find some time and space, to be uncontactable please do. If it can’t be a whole day, just lock the door and take a bath. Step away from your job for as long as you can on a regular basis.
Keep warm. Warmth is comforting, so the bath is a double treat. Or tea and blankets, and if you can avoid screens do. Just tune into something creative or relaxing for a moment.
'Because those that operate at the top of their game are expending a great deal of emotional & physical energy on other people - daily'
Eat well. It’s not new information, you eat shit you’ll feel shit. Now is the time to be putting good stuff in. This definitely does not mean no chocolate or treats! I would NEVER advocate for that. But just keep the 80/20 rule in mind.
Turn your phone off (or at least your work phone!), this is an obvious one. But I mean all screens, because whichever device you pick up, people will find you and want a piece of you and your time. This is your job and no successful business person works 24/7. They know the value of time off, recharging and recovering.
Breathing exercises, if these work for you add them in for grounding and clarifying your priorities each morning. Make sure your well being is on that list. I suggest an app called headspace, its no fuss approach gets you in the chillzone in no time at all.
All of the above is focused on self care. Because those that operate at the top of their game are expending a great deal of emotional & physical energy on other people – daily. The rise in online only activity has meant a matching rise in the time spent online, I personally spend hours chatting with my boys on my site everyday. This is exhausting on so many levels and is not sustainable, so it’s important to step back. Even if you put the pandemic aside the above is good practice. Think about what makes you feel safe, happy, loved and go do it. Be utterly selfish because actually, we are more often than not, extremely giving and caring people. If we weren’t we wouldn’t be very good at our jobs, we certainly wouldn’t be able to call ourselves professionals. Its that unwritten Duty of Care we have to keep in mind, that’s what you are really paying for. That while you think we are lost in that moment with you, we aren’t. We’re watching the rise and fall of your chest, moving our hands to feel that tightness of your collar. We are “ON” all the time, but the skill comes in appearing “OFF”.
'While you think we are lost in that moment with you, we aren't.'
Subs and slaves that say they would do anything for you, can rarely actually do the one thing you really need (which ironically costs them nothing so there is no excuse) which is to leave you alone for 24 hours. Work, whatever it may be, however much you adore it, can be draining. We don’t have to give an endless supply of kink. Those that see your value and how rare a truly gifted dominant is, will wait. They will understand and send you bath bombs, loose leaf tea, and kittens*…. quietly and without intrusion.
*Please do not send me kittens in the post!
It takes so much strength of character to step over the line, past the point of no return into my dominion. It takes a combination of mental and physical strength to endure me, but that’s what you wanted, that’s what has been clawing at you from the inside all this time. The need to suffer at the hands of a beautiful Dominatrix has been swirling for so long, and you have battled yourself to take the first step. I appreciate all of this. I see and hear about it often. It can be overwhelming to give a voice to all those thoughts and fantasy scenarios that have kept you awake night after night.
Its that unwritten Duty of Care we have to keep in mind, that’s what you are really paying for. That while you think we are lost in that moment with you, we aren’t. We’re watching the rise and fall of your chest, moving our hands to feel that tightness of your collar. We are “ON” all the time, but the skill comes in appearing “OFF”.
If sex workers built OnlyFans, they can tear it down. This will take a group of powerful women to do and … well, I know a fair few of them. However, as strong, capable and resilient as sex workers are they cannot do this alone.
The generosity of you, the subscriber and tipper who has supported them is also being taken for granted. 20% of what you spend is being syphoned off to fund a platform that will be unlikely to hold your favourite creator in the months and years to come.
I have realised that my clients have come to understand the positive value of the interactions they previously took for granted, that they used to get so much joy from, the important people they used to share these experiences with. We have collectively realised how we affect those around us, both positively and negatively, biologically and physiologically. It will feel amazing when they can go and see a provider again, and this time they say they will savour every moment, every detail.
Latex and BDSM go hand in shiny hand, it is a visual and sensual treat for so many of us. The smell of rubber itself is extremely provocative. It can cause a raging hard on, as can the touch of it. There is something about this material that works so well with the dungeon scene and the kink parties, its like a layer of us that we can apply or peel off, as we switch between the two worlds. But latex is as sensitive, exasperating and difficult at times as your Mistress can be.