"Anticipation has a habit to set you up for disappointment"
The famous lines from the Arctic Monkeys swirl in my head. And those teens sung the truth because its damn right, sometimes we all need a bit of kink reality check. My preferred method would usually be a nice and sharp face slap. But as I am being less literal today, here is a literary face slap instead.
It could take someone years of anticipation before they are ready to act on their kinky urges. That gives them a lot of time to get right into the details of it, to reimagine it, to over think it, and it’s that last bit that can be problematic. I’ve been discussing this with my boys alot lately, and we are all in agreement, the journey is the real pleasure.
"Compromise and a dash of reality is not sexy, but its the thing all good relationships need"
A fantasy is by mere definition far removed from reality. It is the dream scenario, the lottery win, the “perfect” woman. How we search for something that might not be attainable. When it comers to searching for that one iconic sexual fantasy, that search for the ideal kinky scene… it seems we follow an almost predictable curve. We start off full of energy pursuing it like prey, almost devoid of strategic thought. Hunting it out on pure instinct, practically sniffing the ground like a hound with bloodlust. Addicted, some of my boys said. After some time has passed, fruitlessly, they recalibrate and go back to daydreaming to fuel or fantasy anew. We might now come at it from a different angle. Less head on, more of a side pursuit. Applying intelligence to the situation is always advisable, thinking with the head on top of your shoulders will always work so much better than the one below your waist.
Once you start looking at it as end goal, you can put in steps to achieve it, as you would with anything you want in life. Nothing is achieved overnight, and good things come to those who wait… but once you have begun to explore your chosen kinks, you should hopefully realise the end goal isn’t the best bit, it’s the journey itself.
You have a lot to learn when you are at the start of your pursuit, so be grateful to anyone that makes time to answer your questions or offer insights from real life experience.
As you learn and have your eyes opened to the realities of the kinks you’ve been dreaming about… you might actually lose your nerve. Needle play may look hot but when the moment comes it might be a hard limit. So keep an open mind as you browse about what does appeal, review those choices as you go. You are always allowed to change your mind!
"Labels aren't important, but understanding your own motivations
and being able to communicate them is."
After hearing loads of lived experience’s you will begin to hear how people went from thinking they wanted one thing, but often either found something different they preferred or found someone that shared that singular passion and took it to extremes. But rarely does anyone get what they thought they wanted. If you seek to serve a Domme, you should primarily have one kink – her happiness.
Compromise and a dash of reality, is not sexy but it’s the thing all good relationships need, so you need to decide what you want; your dick tickled in a painful way or to please the woman that does the tickling in any way she desires? If you can’t compromise for her, you are perhaps a kinkster not a submissive? Labels aren’t important but understanding your own motivations and being able to communicate them is.
We each entered into this kinky life in our own unique way, everyone has their own story to tell, their own journey. But, its safe to say there will be no one final outcome. No one moment where either of us say ‘ that was it’ the pinnacle of my journey, the moment I’ve been waiting for. The fantasies we have been writing in our minds’ eyes will never come true, because they are not really real.
But we must all remember, that compromise is what keeps us together. I love each of my boys who serve me, collared boys and kinky dip in-and-out’ers. I respect you all immensely and love your uniqueness and I adore the way you sacrifice for me. Some dominant women may say that they will not budge, they will not adjust, they are steadfast and sometimes – rightly so, when it comes to morals and beliefs I won’t change for anyone. But, as I mature, I gain a deeper respect for those around me, as I learn their quirks, their unique beauty.
The BDSM community can seem alien when you first encounter it, but all it takes is a little patience and some basic research. This is not the Illuminati, or the Masons – there is no ritual, human sacrifice or handshake to get in – you just have to learn how to interact with people all over again.
There is no doubt about it, sexual desires are distracting. At the worst possible time, that little prick shaped bit of your brain pings and there you are, off in fantasy land with last month’s paperwork piling up beside you in the home office while you once again wander off to your favourite subscription site with your hand in your pants. Sufficiently jerked off, you wash your hands and wipe the sweat from your brow before logging in to that Zoom call.
No matter what stage of your relationship, dating, long-term or fully committed, sharing your innermost taboo secrets with someone will seem like the most nerve-wracking thing in the world. But what if I told you the conversation could open you up to experiences you previously thought weren’t possible? What if the conversation led to foreplay or better yet raw, red-hot kinky sex!